I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
