i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
