You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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