It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
