just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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