I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Everything about him screamed your future.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
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MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
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You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
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