I just made out with a guy for $7.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Randomize
