I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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