nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Naked Twister starts at high noon
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
