I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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