I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
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