You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
everyone is single if you try hard enough
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Randomize
