I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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