So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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