Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
