If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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