Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
