i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
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