i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
