My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
