either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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