I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
