I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
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