Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
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