i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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