Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Randomize
