your room smells of hookers.
And success
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Randomize
