evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
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