ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
