Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
