And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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