It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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