Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Randomize
