So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
