but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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