Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
It's rum buckets o'clock
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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