Don't make out with my wife yet
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize