I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize