I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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