i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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