is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
