So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
She told me I should be a condom model.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
