The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Randomize
