I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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