I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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