sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
