i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize
