if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
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when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
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My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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