If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
