well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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