He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize
