After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
