Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
