It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
