her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
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