Grow some girl-balls and come out already
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
