Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
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My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
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I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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