On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Randomize
