Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
