I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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