Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
