she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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