uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
