Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
