so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
